Pennsic XXXIII Writeup

I'm taking the time to write the longest piece of crap ever on a computer...probably the longest I've ever sat in front of one of these things... just for you Thaddie...

Well, we had been working on this Gatehouse forever and gave up around the 4th of July weekend figuring that we could finish this thing at War in a day. Land Grab went well...no one would fight with me (Highlander plug) and I learned many new things about fuzzy math and their applications to square footage. We set things up, with attractive little orange flags all over the place. We were so amused at Darkyard"s heroic posthole digging efforts, that we thought that they might be insulted by an offer of the use of a certain gas powered toy, indeed, they thought we were joking when we proposed such a thing...till they sent some grunt squad boys to our camp to get it. There, they not only found helpful tools, but also a shade tent devoted to decadence. Where some, that were supposed to be dutifully toiling, took their leisure. We won't mention names...Big Branos might be watching.... But, if an inordinate amount of people sprained their ankle on the way to the parking lot or trailer... and we helped them to rest in a comfy couch or chair...And if they happened to come home with a bandage wrapped ankle and a refreshment induced limp as proof of their injury...blame our slackers the probably enticed them to sin. But where was Dirk during all this...probably sitting on a sand dune.

The first Saturday of War week was the usual set things up and get everbody in a tent somewhere...Sunday was the Children's Battle and all the frantic water balloon filling and squirt gun testing. We had the usual ... some complication caused by some other groups and their petty little concerns...or otherwise, booking at the Fort right after Grand Opening Ceremonies... only time slot availiable so we dealt with it...couldn't set up during the Kings shin dig...had to argue with some guy on a power trip, over moving some platforms out of the way, so that no kids got hurt or the platforms didn't get damaged. By the time Grazia and I got done with him, he was calling his lawyers to protect him form injury lawsuits and angry parental mobs. The mud bash went as expected ... we lost again...Where was Dirk? Probably sitting on some sand dune, with a wrench in his hand... We betrayed the Mushy Munchkin Masses by telling them not to listen to me, but to listen to the Marshalls...unfortunately for them they listened to both... and so did the Marshalls..This became my favorite part of the battle.. that constant look of relief in Sir Garraghan's eye (a new Marshall) when he thought the battle was done , my favorite expression of his was "Oh my God... It's not over!" as the Crew gushed water down upon his squishy soul ... It all started when I'd explained the rules, and reminded them, that I told them not to listen to me, but as they were lured in close .. the Crew gave em a good dose of hydration!! They broke thru the gates after awhile, ransacking and whatnot ... then actually left the fort when I told them to ...promising a healthy share of treasure for all of them...the Gates closed again and we gave them their share.. water is healthy you know...the SCRDA is 55gallons a day... The measly mudpuppies burst through the gates again... and left again... unfortunately they took me with them...after much torture and unbearable cruelty, I almost drowned on my hands and knees 2ft above the ground, I told them that they could have my treasure if they left the Fort and got in line...They listened to me again ( I've got that commanding father voice down pat) Bill brought out the chest, as I snuck back in and started closing the gates... Bill dropped the box and ran for his life...there was that look on Garraghan's face again ... As the kids all grabbed their healthy share of treasure...discovering that we had giving them bags of Brussel Sprouts.... the muddy mendicants were not amused..Green mushy crap started flying over the walls...the gates were breeched in no time...No one was spared ...all were soaked...When the real treasure was brought forth, it was too late, they had been tricked too many times, their blood lust was up, way up...chanting "Treasure!!...Treasure!!" We tried to quiet the damp desparadoes down but it wasn't happening, fearing for my life my pleading looks towards Garhand the Wet were being met with that "You've brought this doom upon yourself... as soon as they are tearing you to bits, I'm sneaking away" look. But the voice of "Father With the Belt of Beatings" technique worked and they all settled down to see what Bill and I had in our big trash bags... we told them that it was treasure that we had been collecting for years...severed heads, old spoons, a nice collection of concrete...and the item that shut them all up...moldy cheese. They actually started backing up...I started eyeing the safety of our gates again, contemplating another round or three..When Garraghan's "Oh God... not again...." brought compassion into me soul. We started handing out the good stuff... One parent was heard commenting " What a great goody bag they're giving the kids!" MuuuuHaaaaHaaa!!! Slide Whistles, Candy, Blow-up Swords... take it back to your own camps kiddies...Sugared up screaming memeies with noise makers and weapons...My thanks to the Tynkers, Black Talon, the Marshalls, Grazia, and all the rest I'm missing here for your help.

Sunday was also Fountain set up day....in Midrealm Royal... it rocked Pennsic and all the other Kingdoms have been challenged to beat it. I hope it happens some day. Death pondered the Mind of the Wiggle as he directed us and helped put this thing together. The Queen gave us all bottles of alcohol and we snuck away with it. But where was Dirk??? Sitting on a sand dune, holding a wrench, his chin on his other fist...

Monday was try to put this gatehouse together day now that Tomak has shown up. A lot more work than it appeared to be. The fighting was fighting ...nothing special except for our Star's interview with the History Channel? Robert slacking on a battle gets his face time with fame. We may have accidentally acquired the Church of Debauchery's banner somehow at night, leaving our favor hanging in it's place, high in a tree. Nice touch on the favor part Robin... The insults we gave Black Talon were a lot of fun... We first kept calling them that great household ShadowClans till they were sick of hearing it, and correcting us, then we wondered what happened to their really cool gatehouse and that this new ShadowClans gate sucks...these shields suck, they look like dead crows feet or a smashed bug or something...ShadowClans used to be cool ... now you guys suck ...what happened to you guys...just as they were about to start the thumping on us that we deserved, they figured it out who we were.... and laughed their asses off, invited us in and later hid us from a Church of Debauchery hunting/war party.

Tuesday... Our Super Star gets more face time with the reporters at the fountain.. or was it Monday? Desparate gatehouse finishing crew assembled it just in time!!! Oh well it's Corn party time!!! Just as big as ever... only better! Our neighbors (cool ones) the Barony of Stonemarch, brought over some cannisters of home brewed beer for our party, the Church of Debauchery showed up... accepting our invitation, Heather Dale started off the entertainment followed by the Paulo Garbanzo Show, then the Accidental Circus did their thing till 2:00am, we all thought it was over when surprisingly Wolgemut sprang up on the top floor of our keep and started playing till the neighbors shut us down... 3:00am or so ... the party lasted until 4:00 or so. Dani and crew set up the tent, Guy figured out the evil bar design from hell, who made that thing anyway and where is he? Duck boiled corn like he was personally in charge... of seeing to it that all this corn must die, Tadg and the Corn Dog Crew made sure theirs was dead...black and crispy like....my fault actually... Malachy and Magnus popped the corn...our tip ladies, Morgan and Rhianna stuffed over 300.00 bucks into the mug... We had a lot of people bartending... Bill, Scott, Jessica, Zombie Zac, Shea, the rest of you forgive me but it all started getting fuzzy after a while...I do remember the Bartenders made anything they wanted to and served it to the guests anyways....Mo had the Bat Signal lighting up the Serenghetti and the Eye burning nicely....We won't mention his corn ballistics earlier in the day...Ursula manned (womanned?) the corn crap tables and helped in the capital punishment of corn...sorry if I can't remember it all.. you all did great....except that slacker Dirk where the Hell is he?....Probably sitting on a sand dune, holding a wrench, his chin on his other fist, Rodan style....

Wednesday... a day of clean up and rest.....Oh yeah... the COD stopped by for their banner..... Kathereen and I brought it back later that night.....they are never home. Took forever to get that thing back up into that tree....

Thursday... fought in greatest battles ever ....Pouring Rain Battles.....it all ended too soon with a couple gigavolts of juice making a little noise once or twice...Mo and Dani are devising a new sport....We save the neighbors lives by evacuating them... just keep squishing...

Friday....Great Fort Battle!!!! Carhoo the Laplander stopped by and we talked about some guy named Thad chopping down trees somewhere....It was raining still when we went to sleep...

Saturday....1:00am... Kathereen and I are gently awaken by the Tomak's cry of " You might want to get up! Everybody get up!" I jumped up to see what the trouble was ...a possible fire or.....flood. Why did it have to be flood....no guess work here as to what the trouble was...I was standing in a foot of water ... a lot of fun ensued... we gathered what hadn't floated downstream... and took a walk to see how the rest of Pennsic was doing...We weren't the worst by a longshot....There were blocks of the Serenghetti with standing water on them still packing out on Sunday. Camp had a foot and a half of water in some places...Mo and Dani were white water tenting...I personally don't think this sport will catch on, but maybe that's just me... But at least we drained in a couple of hours.. Packing up camp in the mud is the most fun a camper can have...Tearing down a fountain in the mud was pleasurable compared to a white canvas tent...Saturday night was a town night...dinner and a movie...

Sunday....the muddy mess continues... trying to close the gatehouse up and collapse the Rose windows was horrifying. Thanks Crew...We actually got out of there by 2:00pm, that Kathereen and I decided to stay in lovely Pennslyvania till 8:00pm with a flat tire and other issues..then get home in time for a flat tire on the trailer made our experience complete...

Monday, Aug 23- Thursday,Sept 2....Or so we thought...still cleaning up crap, washing things I didn't know could get muddy like that....Could use help with this heavy ass rug...Where is Dirk??? Probably sitting on a sand dune, holding a wrench, his chin on his other fist, Rodan style, all Conan like on his throne, in his new Kingdom of Iraqia, Thaddia whatever he wants to call it, he's probably dryer then we are...